Thursday, 29 October 2009

  • last night i made a huge mistake in calling him. i've been really good, hating him and not contacting him at all. then i had the bright idea of calling him to tell him not to bother asking his pharmacist.

    that is truly all that i wanted to say to him. but things happened. idk why he wanted to talk to me about his shit/problems/tell me me whats been going on with him but yea. all i said was uh huh/yea/ok. i made a few jokes now and then, but that was about it. i love how i call to say one thing and he figures i call so he can spill his guts to me.... wtf. like lastn ight getting off the phone with him i was like i don't care anymore. but in the back of my mind i keep thinking there's a reason why he feels so comfortable with me that he can blab about anything and everything. he's a self-righteous sob. i asked him about his mom (which was prolly the most i asked about him besides if he'd talk to his pharmacist yet). he fucking went on and on about himself. not once did he ask about whats been going on w/ my parents (in whcih theres a lot of fucked up shit happeneing).

    wait i take it back. he did ask a few specific things about me.
    -how's the boy situation
    -am i going to the kug party
    -am i going to the vsa party

    then he mentioned something about not viewing my facebook in awhile. like wtf. he prolly never views it cuz i'm not attractive enough for him. shit like that is what pisses me off about guys like him. the "pretty girls" fuck them over emotionally.... and the girls that are AVERAGE get tossed aside. sure they'll pay attention to us at times, but that's only so that they can have someone to confide in. FUCKING BULLSHIT. you know how much it sucks to keep hearing (from the one you <3) about how into a girl they are, and then asking ur opinon about something they did. AND THEN asking you whats the best thing to do to win the girl over.

    yea he's pretty much been asshole status to me for a few months now and this just solidifies it.

Sunday, 04 October 2009

  • random ranting

    ever since i've really gotten back into bgirling/bboying, i've noticed some irritating things.

    1. yes, i do bgirl. but just because i can doesn't mean you have to single me out. "ooh i wanna see some windmills!" and the guys are doing hella sick power moves. what do i hear? they point at me and "nah, i wanna see HER dance". wtf. that's just rude & eff'd up. give some respect! if you wanna see me dance so bad, WAIT. don't single me out, cuz all that does is make me not wanna throw down.

    2. "oh i can get these moves in one day". keep that to yourself. kudos if you can, but for the majority of us, it takes a lot of time and practice. over and over again. so don't go around asking us to teach you the move then be cocky and say you'll get it in a day.

    3. don't EVER push/nudge me into a cypher. everyone dances when they want, so you're just showing urself to be a idiot. wanna see someone go into the cyper so bad? then go urself. back the eff off.

    4. i absolutely hate this... someone comes up and asks how to do a windmill. then after they get it, they say they are a bboy. it is only a PART of bboying so get your facts straight! bboying consists of toprock, footwork, freeze, power. go in a cypher and do a windmill. you will get ur ass handed to you. theres' soo much to the art of bboying so just because you can do a windmill does not mean you are a bboy. edit... dumb ass girls. ooh, i can do a freeze and post it as a default pic so i must be a bgirl! wtf. where's the other 3 parts of bboying?

Thursday, 24 September 2009

  • i know pushing myself like this is not going to end well. but the rewards definitely outweigh the risks. bruises, aches are nothing compared to thinking. nowadays thinking is too dangerous for me. it brings me to a bad place... something i've been trying so hard to get away from.

    on the plus side... although i don't see any results, i most definitely feel it

Monday, 14 September 2009

  • and when will this feeling of useless/worthlessness end? i'm absolutely into you, but then i see pictures of HER. and that has me thinking, what the hell was i thinking, trying to see if you're into me. you're showing me the right signs, make me laugh & smile. but i keep thinking that there's nothing about me that would interest you. that the so called "signs" are just a fragment of my imagination.

    good thing about this is that you've helped me get over porkchops COMPLETELY.

Monday, 31 August 2009

  • why can't i just tell you upfront... the reason why i can't continue this with D is because i'm waiting for a guy like you to come around... someone that i care about like i care for you. someone i can be open with like i am with you. someone that makes me smile the way you do. the one that makes me feel the way you do.

    i honestly don't think you know how difficult this past week has been for me. every moment with you is like a stab thru my heart because its like you're telling me the right things. and then saying, "you're my best friend". like seriously, WTF

Tuesday, 25 August 2009

  • amazing.... even tho he seems really into me, i just would rather be with you. he's sweet, and really doing things right, but somehow you have a stronger pull on me. you you you.

    why is it you are the only guy i feel this absolutely comfortable with? its gotten to the point where i pull back from a potential because i don't feel the same comfort, the easy way things are between us.

    yeea i'm pretty much horrible at this point

Wednesday, 19 August 2009

  • my heart is telling me that you are the one for me... my other half. i've gotten told twice now that when you and i talk, it sounds like we're together. yet you are constantly telling me that you're only into "pretty girls" so i figure definitely not me. but the way you are around me makes me seems to negate that.

    this is frustrating!

Saturday, 11 July 2009

  • how is it possible that although i have strong dislike for you, you still get to me. you still make me feel worthless, pathetic, PLAIN. at the time, the one i wanted treats me like shit... the one who would be good for me... i felt nothing but friendship. the more i think about it, the more i HATE you and how you make me feel. i just want this over with so i can forget i ever knew you. the words i've tried to say but never really meant until now. i want absolutely want nothing to do with you anymore.


    huge relief is coming soon, hopefully

Tuesday, 30 June 2009

  • quite honestly, you disgust me. i'm just a convience to you because i don't look like them. think about it. if i looked better, you wouldn't dismiss the things i do for you. what sucks is i feel horrible. i treated you, just a "friend" better than i treated him, a significant other. its eating me inside when i think about it because truth be told, you don't deserve 90% of the things i did for you. good luck trying to find someone willing to be there for you like i was, someone who cared about you as much as i did. i'm thru with all this shit cuz i've reached my limit. i can't keep going on like this. its not fair to me.

    823.637...<3

Wednesday, 24 June 2009

  • honestly, i don't want to care. even tho the signs point to yes, i feel a strong no. i just wanna forget everything & move on but you seem to be holding me back. much thanks >_<
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